I grew up in the Missionary Church. I spent 26 years there, and I thought I was content. Eventually though, I started feeling like I was supposed to move to another church, even denomination, but wasn't sure where or how. See, my family has always done everything together, and that included going to church, so for someone in my family to say that they were going to go to another church was not something that my family did every day. Because of this, I was scared to tell my family what I felt I should do. I would go to church every Sunday, and know that I was supposed to be somewhere else, but not have the courage to tell my family that.
Finally after much prayer and talking, God asked me, "Who's more important? Me, and what I think, or your Family, and what they will think?" My family had taught me my whole life, that God came first, and so for me, the answer was clear, but the action was hard! I decided to tell my family through a letter, because I feel I can express myself best when writing, as compared to talking to someone. Some may consider me to just not have the courage to talk to someone face to face, but that's not it at all; I really just communicate a lot easier and clearly, if I can do so in writing. So anyways, I wrote my family a letter explaining to them what I was feeling, and what I had planned to do. I was going to make my last Sunday at the church, Easter Sunday, and then I was going to start going to my now current church full time. I tried to explain to them that I wasn't doing this to hurt them, but I was just listening to God. My family was not happy at all with my decision at first, and in fact was very mad at me for it, but I kind of figured that would be the reaction I got, so I wasn't surprised. My Grandma was really upset, but eventually just told me that she believed I was doing what I was supposed to do, but would have to get used to the idea of me not being at her church. Others in my family, probably still don't like that I am going to my new church, but I have to do what God leads me in.
So I started going to my church, 4CI - Four-Corner's International, about 4 months ago, and I couldn't be happier. The style of worship is amazing, and the freedom of the Holy Spirit to move is astounding! It's just such a place of love, and joy that I can't describe the peace I receive from it! I knew when I first started going that this was the place for me, and I have still felt that way!
Here's the reason I'm even writing though. For so many years, I had put God in this box, of what I thought He could and couldn't do, and I kept Him there, and I expected Him to move and do, just what I said He could do. Well, when I started coming to this church, God, Himself, burst out of that box! He burst out, and he just keeps coming, and coming! He has been so gracious, and merciful to a sinner like me, who for so long limited Him, that I can't even describe the Love I feel from Him, and for Him! God has showed me in first person accounts, that He is the Great Healer, and will provide healing! He has released on me some of the spiritual gifts, and has taken me to such a deeper place in my prayer life, that I can't even explain it! He has shown me that for all those years that I have been afraid of Spiritual Battle, and Satan and his demon's that they are scared of me! That in Jesus Christ name, I can cast them away from me, and others! I am learning that we here in America are so often living in the "grey" area of Spiritual matter's, and so the demon's that are at work here, don't a lot of time, get called out for what they really are, but instead are called a sickness, or disease. A lot of the "sickness and diseases" that we face here in the US, are also faced in other countries in the World, except they are called out for what they truly are, which is "demon possession" and when they are cast out, the person is perfectly fine, and healed. Tell me, we don't have demon possession here in America, even in the church! I'm telling you, we are living in such a "grey" area here, where we don't think much about Demon's or Satan or their hold on people, or maybe don't believe they truly exist to possess us, so that when they do, we pass it off as something else. My point to this is God is huge, and He's showing me just how big He truly is!
This morning at church, we had a couple here from Africa, not as missionary's, but as parent's to Orphans there in Kenya. There Son and his Wife, go to my church, and they were in the states visiting, and was asked to share what God was doing with them. The whole way through the service, God kept moving on my heart. I have a big heart towards children anyway, but especially for kids who are abandoned. I just can't fathom how someone can do that. Anyways, after the service today, Rodney our lead Pastor, asked if anyone felt like they should come up to be prayed for to go out into the World in any sense at all. I didn't want to go up, but I felt this nauseous feeling, and that's my cue from God that I'm supposed to do something. So I got up, and immediately this sense of peace rushed over me. That's kind of my gut check to know if it truly was from God. This I knew without a shadow of a doubt was from God. So, I had prayer with this couple. What they prayed for me I can't even describe to you. I told them how I had felt for a long time now that I was supposed to adopt, but I didn't know how to, or even if that was God's plan for me. As they were praying for me, I got this deeper sense of peace, rush over me. They prayed things for me, that I hadn't told them before, but they are exactly what I had been praying to God about. Things to do with my finances, and getting out of the huge knot I'm in with finances. Knowing if adoption was just a want I had, or if it was from God. It was definitely from God. I'm for the first time in my life, feeling the true adoption of God as my Father, and being a Son of His. Through that, as I experience that more, I can pass that on to the children God will bring in my life. It was just so much information that I can't relay it all, other than the fact that God told me I was going to adopt. I know that plain and simple, and I hold that to be truth! I don't know if God is going to ask me to go to another country, state, or even stay here in Kansas, but I do know that I am to adopt, and I'm saying this with boldness, excitement, and fear of the unknown.
God is so big you guys, that I can't even imagine what else He has in store for me. It's all crazy sounding I know, but God is huge, and can do amazingly big things! In fact, that's kind of His thing - doing what we don't think will ever happen! I would ask you to pray for me through this news, and that God would provide where I need Him to provide!
blessings and love!
Tony
